Did No One During the Renaissance Know How to Draw Babies?

What is it with creepy baby Jesus paintings in museums? I am seriously starting to suspect babies didn’t exist 600 years ago.

Is this a doobie? A small, kinky man with a boob fetish? Who knows? Not this painter.

Not the most majestic baby Jesus, but at least he is…properly proportioned.



Maybe this is what babies looked like during the Irish potato famine, but, hopefully, baby J was a little better fed.

Okay, I’m getting some very creepy vibes from this one. Baby J looks like he is one step from leaping from Mary’s lap and biting into my corotid, zombie style.

“Mummy, kill the bad man. Kill him dead mummy”


It’s like an aged jolly drunkard from a bar was shrunk down to baby size. I don’t know how to feel about this.

“Where’s da money Mary? Do you wanna sleep with da fishes? DO ya?”

Who could possibly think that facial expression was the best choice to paint on their lord and savior Baby J? I don’t understand.

Getting some serious alien vibes off this one. It would explain a lot.

Again, baby heads are NOT that small. Someone, please introduce these men to a real baby. Please.

I’ve heard that the baby’s weird proportions could be symbolic of Jesus being an adult even as a baby? Or something? I don’t even care. It is hideous.

Cool Baby Jesus. Peace.

Hehe, mother triksies Baby J. Baby J is too smart for mummy’s triksies, yes he is. Preeeeeeecious.


Swole Baby Jesus. I feel…uncomfortable. He still has baby fat arms, but also chiseled six pack abs, and the face of an old karate master. Hai Sensei!

Stoned shower thoughts Baby Jesus.

We may never fully unlock the mystery of how Renaissance painters were SO BAD at drawing babies, but they will definitely provide slightly offensive humor for centuries to come.

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